Here’s What Happens When You Love Someone Who’s Emotionally Unavailable

He will try to protect himself from that same hurt by putting up a wall so that he can’t get too vulnerable or intimate with you. However, more often than not a man will take a step back from vulnerability if they experienced a painful breakup after opening up in a past intimate relationship. He does not want to share much about himself but also does not want to know much about you. He rarely asks you questions that require a vulnerable or deep conversation. However, even though he does not mean it out of malicious intent and does not want to hurt you, he unwillingly ends up doing exactly that. He hurts you because he is making you feel unwanted or unloved by depriving you of his love.

Believe it or not, some people just straight up have no interest in being emotionally available because they have no good intentions for you. He wants to keep the relationship casual and is apprehensive about progressing to the next level of commitment. Chances are that he is not invested in the relationship and therefore does not want you to be either.

They keep the conversation shallow and their life is focused on the superficial. When emotions come up or things get hard, they disappear. Sometimes they call when they say they will and other times they ghost you. If you can honestly say you are ready to be in emotionally intimate relationships with someone else, start with a conversation.

They may also be drawn to the air sign Gemini, as both signs share an insatiable curiosity and love for learning new things. Next, we have the detail-oriented and perfectionist Virgo. These individuals are known for their analytical minds, practicality, and a strong sense of responsibility. While these traits can make them great partners in many ways, they can also contribute to their emotional unavailability. Geminis tend to get along well with other air signs, Aquarius and Libra, as they all appreciate mental stimulation and a vibrant social life.

It’s just that that’s rarely enough to help them overcome such a deep, pervasive fear and set of beliefs about the world. Being defensive is the default state of emotionally unavailable men. Their big emotional wall is really just one big defense strategy. If he feels like you’re getting too close to his true self or as if you’re seeing through his barriers, he might decide that offense is the best form of defense. An emotionally unavailable man who is trying to avoid commitment will always have the eventual end of the relationship in the back of his mind.

Signs of a Partner Who’s Emotionally Unavailable

This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem, especially if they seem receptive when you make suggestions. But if, after an encouraging start, you never connect more intimately, they might not have the ability to maintain anything beyond casual involvement at the moment. As I drove out of the city, dwarfed by the towering bridges that had become so familiar to me, Seals and Croft’s ‘We May Never Pass This Way Again’ floated into the background.

This lack of insight is glaringly apparent in the midst of a conflict. You may experience some rare moments where an emotionally unavailable person gives you a glimpse into their true feelings, but pushing to get them to open up more can backfire. “This is typically met with even more resistance and can result in greater defensiveness, rudeness or even anger,” says Singer. People who are emotionally unavailable tend to confuse their partners with their inconsistent behavior.

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man

“If you only see them as hindrances or obstacles or stress-related, it may be because emotions are very difficult for you and thus you stay away from them as much as possible.” Unfortunately, it may have rubbed off on you, because you could have a higher tolerance to date others who are also emotionally unavailable, Cohen says. “You can easily ignore red flags and other less than desirable features about someone because, on an unconscious level, you yourself are not ready for a deep and committed partnership,” she adds. I’ve noticed this behavior in men with avoidant attachment personalities also called fearful avoidants. According to relationship experts, avoidants have a chronicfear of emotional intimacy.

Bad Behavior with People In General

You could try to find out why he responds this way and if he’s willing to work on understanding andvalidating your feelings. If you’re someone who’s comfortable with emotionally connecting, e.g., you have a secure attachment style, and then being unable to connect with the guy will bother you. Tell him you observed he’s not asking many questions about check this out you and ask why. He might say he doesn’t want to pry or he’s allowing you to decide when and what you want to share. If someone is emotionally unavailable, relationships can be a major trigger for anxiety. Dating requires you to work toward a connection with someone and be vulnerable — something the emotionally unavailable person is unable to do.

You Avoid Deep Conversations

Allison Abrams, LCSW-R, is a licensed psychotherapist in NYC, as well as a writer and advocate for mental health awareness and destigmatization. If you have a history of dating people because you were following the initial intense chemistry, this is a signal that your chemistry compass is pointing you in the wrong direction. Instead of viewing intense chemistry as a green light to go, you should consider it as a signal to STOP. Love is not a fast-paced, hot/cold, anxiety-ridden roller-coaster ride. Intensity should be your signal to slow down, not speed up.